3-10-99

and i know i'm ripping his heart out.
but even when it's in my hands i don't know what to do with it.
too young.
i feel like and idiot,
but so do you.
if you can't laugh about it, it's not worth doing right?
oh and i'm laughing
laughing at myself.
i'll never remember what i was thinking.
this whole world and my brain stopped rotating.
but i suppose everyone goes through that.
frankly, i don't want to plan my future.
i just want to go.
not think.
apparently i am going blind folded by expectations,
i don't know what i want,
and everything seems worth it.

and i know i'm ripping my heart out.
never could think straight anyways.
goose bumps and desires.
dead stopped by a brain i created.
i'm talking myself apart.
why?
i want everything to appear.
is that asking too much?
at least i know what i'm like.
not anticipating my next move
laughing about my feelings.
and with my heart in my hands,
i know what i'm doing.